“Take Care of Yourself” - March 20

When I first came to an Enthusiastic Sobriety parent meeting, other parents said, “Take care of yourself.”  I thought they must be crazy.  My kid was the one with the problem; he was addicted to drugs, failing in school, and in trouble with the law.  I had to take care of him first!  Except for him, my life was fine.

Then one year later, having done my best to follow the advice, I had an experience which convinced me of the wisdom of taking care of myself.  My son has been sober for almost a year and has gotten his GED.  I have been supporting him by letting him live at my home and giving him gas and spending money.  Yet, lately I have felt uncomfortable paying for his expenses while he stays home part of the day and plays computer games while I work.  I decided to take the initiative—although a bit uncertain and afraid—and told him that he could continue to live at  home and I will feed him, but I am going to stop giving him money two weeks from now.  He agreed with me that it was time for him to do something!  I felt great about taking care of myself.  The resentment I had begun to nurse immediately lifted.  Moreover, I believe that my son actually feels good about my encouraging his independence, something he wants, too.  By stating clearly and calmly what I am willing and not willing to do, I am improving my relationship with my son.

Today’s Reminder

If I start to feel a twinge of resentment for my actions toward my child, I will look at the situation.  What do I need to take care of myself?  Once I have a clear answer, I will take steps to see that my needs are met.